Elena Bonn Psychology

1. Take a walk and really connect with nature
2. Sing a song (any song) with gusto
3. Donate money, items or your time to a charity
4. Practice penmanship – beautifully write out the alphabet
5. Watch a stand-up comic on YouTube
6. Play with your dog or cat
7. Write an encouraging note to a friend or relative in need
8. Meditate for ten minutes
9. Do a drawing whether you’re a good artist or not
10. Listen (really listen) to music that you love
11. Bake something
12. Take a candlelit bath with spa music using essential oils
13. Do a twenty minute yoga or stretching video
14. Read a book or poem
15. Put on music and dance
16. Talk with your most supportive family member or friend
17. Sign up for a class to learn that thing that interests you
18. Close your eyes, sit up straight and take ten slow mindful breaths
19. Do a jigsaw puzzle
20. Write down three things for which you feel grateful
21. Zumba! No one can feel down when they’re doing Zumba!

If you feel tempted to do one of the things on the list, do it! That’s your wise inner voice pushing you to reach for health. I’m sure you have a lot of reasons why not to do things, but once you find yourself leaning towards being active, go for it. You can start to break the spell of misery.

For many people, including plenty of mental health professionals, hypnosis brings to mind mental weakness, mind control, sleep, or loss of consciousness. Women are often considered more hypnotizable than men. Those are myths. Hypnosis is neither mind control nor a strategy for the weak-willed. Clearly, women are not more hypnotizable than men, and finally, the old wives’ tale that people go to sleep or lose consciousness when they are hypnotized is just that-an old wives’ tale. On the contrary, a hypnotized person enters a highly alert state in which the person’s focus or concentration is heightened.

Hypnosis allows patients to focus and sustain concentration so they can be taught a well-thought-out behavior modification program. Hypnosis should be viewed, however, as an adjunctive part of an ongoing therapeutic plan. For example, a dentist who uses hypnosis for pain or anxiety control is aiding his primary therapy-the practice of dentistry-in an adjunctive way.

Hypnosis can help patients working on issues such as smoking cessation, weight control, nail biting, phobia mastery, insomnia, anxiety, including PTSD, poor sexual function, obsessive thinking, and stress-related problems that might be rooted in such physical problems as hypertension, headache, or chronic pain problems. Hypnosis can be an effective aid in treating these problems. But not enough psychiatrists, psychologists, and psychotherapists use hypnosis or understand what it can and cannot do.

An example of how I use hypnosis involved a gentleman who had been stuck in an elevator for many hours and subsequently suffered post-traumatic stress disorder with incapacitating flashbacks, agitation, and depression. He came for help after having tried several traditional therapies and one approach involving cognitive-behavioral therapy-all of which had failed.

I decided to try a different approach using hypnosis and guided imagery. Within a period of four sessions, I was able to get this man to project his flashbacks and anxiety onto a large movie screen that we designed together. Essentially, we were able to start on a road to get those memories out of his thoughts and onto the screen. When he needed to relax himself, he learned to “flip the visuals” on the screen and go to another set of imagery with pleasant associations for him. I taught him this strategy so that, after our sessions ended, he could continue practicing it on his own. I believe the focused concentration that he developed through the hypnosis allowed this imagery to work. In a short time on his own he conquered the PTSD.

In my experience, if hypnotic strategies are going to work, they will be effective within a few sessions. If they do not work for a problem, it might be time to move on to other approaches. There’s no need for gadgets or drugs when hypnosis is used. If the patient is hypnotizable-and many medical practitioners can conduct a simple test or tests to determine this-all that’s needed is the person’s willingness and the practitioner’s skill in guiding them into their own hypnotic state.

Those of us in psychiatry and psychology are best equipped to handle hypnosis, but other disciplines may be able to do this work as well. In general, the goal is the same, regardless of who is conducting the hypnosis: a positive therapeutic result, using the primary specialty as the basis of the treatment, as in the dental example.

Patients should beware of the stage hypnotist who hypnotizes just for the sake of doing so. That’s entertainment-not health care. As a formal procedure, medical hypnosis takes training and experience, and needs to be used by those who are aware of the appropriate uses, strengths, and contraindications. In the mid-1950s, the British Medical Association and the American Medical Association issued a policy statement that recognized hypnosis as a legitimate treatment in medicine and dentistry.

Debates surrounding the psychological, physiologic, neurochemical, or emotional responses prompted by hypnosis continue. Up to the present time, though, the mechanism that makes hypnosis effective is either unclear or unknown. Documentation of scientific proof of its effectiveness is based on clinical experience and often anecdotal. Culture, motivation, trends, belief systems, and hope often enter the clinical picture.

More psychiatrists should be trained in hypnotic techniques. Hypnosis should be part of general psychiatric education, because these strategies add a valuable dimension to the psychiatrist’s and the mental health professional’s toolbox.

If you struggle with putting things off, try any of these tips to get you on track

1. Get rid of catastrophizing.

One of the biggest reasons people procrastinate is because they catastrophize, or make a huge deal out of something. It may be related to how tough, how boring, or how painful it will be to complete the task; the underlying theme is that doing the task will be “unbearable.”

In reality, challenges, boredom, and hard work will not kill you — or even make you sick. Procrastination, on the other hand, is associated with stress — think of the stress you feel when you avoid making a phone call you know you need to make. So keep things in perspective: “Sure, this is not my favorite task, but I can get through it.”

2. Focus on your “why.”

Procrastinators focus more on short-term gains (avoiding the distress associated with the task) as opposed to long-term results (the stress of not doing it, as well as the consequences of you avoiding this task). Instead, try focusing on why you are doing it: What are the benefits of completing the task?

If you have been putting off cleaning out a closet, imagine walking into the closet when it is de-cluttered and how good that will feel. And consider how much money you will make by selling the items on eBay, or how those in need will feel when they receive these items as donations.

If it is an exercise program you have been avoiding, focus on how exercising will help you have more positive energy, give you a boost of self-esteem, and serve as a great role model for your children.

3. Get out your calendar.

Projects that will get done “when I have time” (as in “I will do it when I have time”) tend not to get done very often, if ever. You need to schedule when you are going to work on a project, and block out that time, just as you would an important meeting.

And when it is time to do your work, set a timer so you can be focused for the entire allotted time.

4. Be realistic.

As you establish your schedule, set yourself up for success. Projects often take much longer than expected, so bake in some extra time. And look for ways to make it easier on yourself: If, for example, you are not a morning person, don’t expect yourself to get up an hour early to start the exercise program you have put off for months. It might be better to schedule that activity during lunch or before dinner.

5. Chunk it.

When a task seems overbearing, procrastination often follows. So how can you break that task into smaller, more manageable parts? For example, if you want to write a book, you may choose to make an outline, identify each chapter, figure out the sections in the chapters, and then commit to writing one segment at a time. Chunking it down like this will help you feel less overwhelmed and more empowered.

6. Excuses be gone.

Do any of these sound familiar? “I need to be in the mood.” “I will wait until I have time.” “I work better under pressure.” “I need X to happen before I can start.”

Stop it!

Be honest with yourself: These are excuses. Sure, it might be nice to “be in the mood,” but waiting for that to happen can mean you never start your project.

7. Get a partner.

Establish specific deadlines for completing a task. Then find someone who will help you be accountable. It could be a promise to your boss or client that you will complete the job by a certain date. Or it may be a coach who helps you stay on track. Or simply find an accountability partner. In this relationship, you connect with someone (on the phone, for example) at certain time intervals (such as once per week) and commit to what you will do before your next meeting. Not wanting to go back on your word, this can be a great way to squash procrastination. (Note: In an effort to save your relationship with your significant other, I recommend this person not be your partner. You don’t want a lack of follow-through to cause tension between you.)

8. Optimize your environment.

Your environment can help or hinder your productivity. Beware especially of technology, such as your email or messenger that keeps pinging to let you know someone has reached out. Social media, internet “research” that leads you far off track, or phone calls can lead to procrastination.

So try this: During your scheduled block of time for working on a particular task, close your email and IM, turn off your phone (or at least set it on “Do Not Disturb” and put it out of sight), and don’t let yourself get on the web until you have completed the task, or hold off any necessary internet searches until the end.

9. Reward good behavior.

Establish a reward if — and only if — you do what you set out to do. Do not let yourself binge that new Netflix show, check your social media, or get lunch until you complete what you’ve scheduled. So instead of using these tasks and distractions to procrastinate, make them contingent on you actually finishing what you schedule yourself to do.

10. Forgive yourself.

Stop beating yourself up about the past. Thoughts such as “I should have started earlier” or “I always procrastinate; I am such a loser” will only make matters worse. Research shows that forgiving yourself for past procrastination will help you stop pushing off working on a task.

You can try to use past procrastination to your advantage as well. How? Determine what went into your avoidance — fear, stress, not having a good understanding of how to progress, lack of accountability. Then address those obstacles in the present and future. If, for example, it was fear that contributed to your procrastination, what steps can you take to feel more empowered and less fearful next time around?

11. Drop the perfectionism.

Perfectionism is an all-or-nothing mentality: Something is either perfect or it is a failure. People with perfectionist tendencies tend to wait until things are perfect in order to proceed — so, if it’s not perfect, you cannot be finished. Or if it is not the perfect time, you believe you can’t start. This all-or-nothing mentality can hold you back from starting or completing tasks.

Instead, focus on being better than perfect. This means to still strive for excellence, creating excellence, or setting yourself up with excellent conditions, but at the same time, you focus on getting the job done.

Stress – fight or flight response

The way you respond to a challenge may also be a type of stress. Part of your response to a challenge is physiological and affects your physical state. When faced with a challenge or a threat, your body activates resources to protect you – to either get away as fast as you can, or fight.

If you are upstairs at home and an earthquake starts, the faster you can get yourself and your family out the more likely you are all to survive. If you need to save somebody’s life during that earthquake, by lifting a heavy weight that has fallen on them, you will need components in your body to be activated to give you that extra strength – that extra push.

Our fight-or-flight response is our body’s sympathetic nervous system reacting to a stressful event. Our body produces larger quantities of the chemicals cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline, which trigger a higher heart rate, heightened muscle preparedness, sweating, and alertness – all these factors help us protect ourselves in a dangerous or challenging situation.

Non-essential body functions slow down, such as our digestive and immune systems when we are in fight-or flight response mode. All resources can then be concentrated on rapid breathing, blood flow, alertness and muscle use.

When we are stressed the following happens:

• Blood pressure rises
• Breathing becomes more rapid
• Digestive system slows down
• Heart rate (pulse) rises
• Immune system goes down
• Muscles become tense
• We do not sleep (heightened state of alertness)

Most of us have varying interpretations of what stress is about and what matters. Some of us focus on what happens to us, such as breaking a bone or getting a promotion, while others think more about the event itself. What really matters are our thoughts about the situations in which we find ourselves.

We are continually sizing up situations that confront us in life. We assess each situation, deciding whether something is a threat, how we can deal with it and what resources we can use. If we conclude that the required resources needed to effectively deal with a situation are beyond what we have available, we say that that situation is stressful – and we react with a classical stress response. On the other hand, if we decide our available resources and skills are more than enough to deal with a situation, it is not seen as stressful to us.

How we respond to stress affects our health

1. We do not all interpret each situation in the same way.
2. Because of this, we do not all call on the same resources for each situation
3. We do not all have the same resources and skills.

Some situations which are not negative ones may still be perceived as stressful. This is because we think we are not completely prepared to cope with them effectively. Examples being: having a baby, moving to a nicer house, and being promoted. Having a baby is usually a wonderful thing, so is being promoted or moving to a nicer house. But, moving house is a well-known source of stress.

Perception of stress affects heart attack risk – people who believe their stress is affecting their health in a big way are twice as likely to have a heart attack ten years later, researchers at the University of Western Ontario found.

Possible effects of stress on your body:

• A tendency to sweat
• Back pain
• Chest pain
• Childhood obesity – researchers at The Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia published a report in Pediatricsin October 2012 explaining that a number of stressors from parents can increase the risk of obesity in their children. Lead researcher, Elizabeth Prout-Parks, M.D., said “Stress in parents may be an important risk factor for child obesity and related behaviors. The severity and number of stressors are important.”Examples of stressors include mental health problems, poor physical health, financial strain, and trying to manage in a single-parent household.
• Cramps or muscle spasms
• Erectile dysfunction
• Fainting spells
• Headache
• Heart disease
• Hypertension (high blood pressure)
• Loss of libido
• Lower immunity against diseases
• Muscular aches
• Nail biting
• Nervous twitches
• Pins and needles
• Sleeping difficulties
• Stomach upset

Possible effects of stress on your thoughts and feelings:

• Anger
• Anxiety
• Burnout
• Depression
• Feeling of insecurity
• Forgetfulness
• Irritability
• Problem concentrating
• Restlessness
• Sadness
• Fatigue

Possible effects of stress on your behavior:

• Eating too much
• Eating too little
• Food cravings
• Sudden angry outbursts
• Drug abuse
• Alcohol abuse
• Higher tobacco consumption
• Social withdrawal
• Frequent crying
• Relationship problems

You become less able to prioritize matters. Everything that needs to get done becomes the same size to you. Cleaning out the linen closet and doing your taxes become equally weighty even though there are far greater penalties for not filing your taxes. You begin to lack the perspective about what you must do as opposed to what you might like to do. As a result, too many matters begin to slide, which only makes it even more difficult to prioritize.

You begin to procrastinate. Perhaps you were always a person who got everything done, early even. Procrastination is especially tricky because it can look like productive activity. You may make fabulously detailed lists; they are works of art themselves. You may convince yourself that you can only start here but can’t yet because you have this other task to finish over there. Kierkegaard compares procrastination to sewing without tying a knot on the end of the thread. All the motions of sewing are made but none of the practical effects are produced

You are governed by “if onlys” and “what ifs.” This means you spend too much time imagining and then giving weight to what isn’t really the case. You might tell yourself, “I would join the gym if only the boss didn’t require so many hours from me. And what if he thinks I am not committed enough to my job?” This may send you down a path of not only not joining the gym but working even harder to convince your boss of a belief or set of beliefs he doesn’t even hold.

You consistently second guess yourself. Second guessing yourself is, at rock bottom, not trusting yourself. You might be afraid to make any decisions because you don’t trust your decision making ability. If you do reach a decision, you may feel as if it will be the wrong one because you are the one who made it. This may prompt you to disregard the knowledge you possess or to go against your intuition and gut instinct. Lacking trust in yourself leads to a kind of confirmation bias: everything that doesn’t go well or turns out badly will count as proof that your decision making ability is flawed. To avoid making a bad decision, you make no decision.

You are a perfectionist. You may not hand in a work assignment or finish a project because everything is not absolutely perfect. Anything less than perfection is abject failure. Even a minor mistake has dire consequences, all of which would confirm that you are a type of person you’d rather not be.

You anticipate every possible bad consequence will come to pass. If “bad” is synonymous with less than perfect, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. Moreover, you tend to be unable to imagine what good consequences might come to pass.

You seek to control everything in the hopes of managing your worry and dread. This may properly belong under the “if only” heading but it can stand on its own too. There’s a saying, “It’s much easier to put on slippers than carpet the world.” Wearing slippers and carpeting the world are two different ways to make walking easier. Putting on the slippers is an action that allows further action of walking. Trying to do the impossible—controlling everything/carpeting the world—hinders doing the possible.

While it might be tempting to run from anxiety or try to eliminate it entirely from our life, that would mean rejecting part of our human nature. Anxiety can provide an (unwanted) opportunity to assess not just particular choices we are making but more holistically, the way we are living our lives. Most fundamentally, anxiety turns our attention to what Kierkegaard calls our greatest task in life, which is to become who we are. We become someone when we act. That is to say, we form our identities by having and acting on our principles, commitments, hopes, and dreams. Inaction is unfreedom; it keeps us from standing in right/good relation to ourselves, our friends and family, and most importantly for Kierkegaard, to God. As Kierkegaard recognizes, “the most common form of despair is not being who you are.”

Common Causes of Adult Depression:

• Genetic predisposition
• Hormonal imbalances
• Certain medical illnesses like Parkinson’s disease, stroke or heart attack
• Traumatic Events
• Alcohol or substance abuse
• Hypothyroidism
• Stress
• Grief

Symptoms of Adult Depression:

• Changes in eating and sleeping habits
• Weight gain or loss
• Withdrawal from friends and family
• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
• Irritability
• Anger, rage, anxiety
• Lack of enthusiasm and motivation
• Agitation

Depression is a serious condition that can impact every area of your life or a loved one’s. It can affect your social life, your family relationships, your career, and your sense of self-worth and purpose.

Though it may be difficult to relate to or understand individuals who may be experiencing depression, the most important thing that you can do is to talk to them, get them to talk to someone they can trust, a mental health professional or their doctor.

Common treatments of Adult Depression include:

• Cognitive-behavioral therapy which focuses on the causes of the depression and helps change negative thought patterns.
• Family therapy which, as an adjunct to individual therapy, can address patterns of communication.
• Creative expression through drama, art or music which is often a positive outlet for strong emotions.
• Medication which should be used with great caution, and only under careful supervision.
• Group therapy because it breaks down the feelings of isolation that many sufferers experience.
• Brain Stimulation Therapies for people with severe depression who do not respond to antidepressant medications.
• Ericksonian Hypnosis

• Prenatal factors (maternal overweight, gestational diabetes, maternal smoking)
• Genes
• Chemical exposure (e.g., phthalates, bisphenol A, the pesticide DDT)
• Hormonal factors (hypothyroidism, PCOS, Cushing’s disease, etc.)
• Certain medications (e.g., some antidepressants, corticosteroids, anti seizure medicines)
• Too little sleep (which affects insulin and other hormones that impact appetite, eating behaviors, and weight gain)
• Exposure to antibiotics (which alters the quality of one’s gut bacteria)
• “Obesogenic” lifestyle factors (eating too much, making unhealthy food choices, and moving too little)

Although we cannot go back in time and change our prenatal environment or undue previous exposure to chemicals, nor can we change our genes, adopting and sticking with healthy lifestyle behaviors can do a lot to help with weight loss and improve well being. This is where hypnosis can be especially helpful.

Emotional and Unconscious Factors that Keep Pounds On: Overweight as a “Tool”

Your unconscious mind may believe very strongly that obesogenic behaviors serve an essential purpose – that they are important “tools” for helping you to function in some way. And if a part of you believes the overweight or associated behaviors are necessary, you are much less likely to change them for long. Here are some common examples:

• Using food to increase feelings of comfort.
• Eating to decrease feelings of sadness, anger, anxiety, or other emotions.
• Weight serving as a buffer between yourself and others, especially with regard to intimate relationships.
• Positive identification with others in your life – past or present – who are overweight.
• Equating “good times” with calorie-dense, sugary, fatty, or processed foods.
• Fattening foods or beverages identified as “rewards” for enduring difficulty, suffering through illness, or not having felt loved.
• Fattening foods are rewards for “good behavior” or achievement.Feeling overly full associated with comfort.
• Obesogenic behaviors as a defense against the fear you would fail if you tried to lose weight.
• Weight as a way to rebel against others who are upset about your weight.
• A way of communicating something without speaking(e.g., eating the leftover cake to express anger at a spouse or parent, etc., rather than discussing the situation that left you feeling angry).

We know from the research that hypnosis pairs well with other weight-loss and stress reduction strategies, such as mindfulness, relaxation training, and cognitive behavioral therapy. Some research has found that adding hypnosis to CBT further increases its effectiveness for weight loss.

How Hypnosis Can Change Your Mind and Body

Hypnosis can help you understand unconscious barriers to weight loss and enhance your chances of success via a variety of types of positive suggestion. Some examples include:

• Development of an “inner ally” to help support you in making potentially challenging, but necessary changes.
• Enhancing competence and confidence via encouraging, affirming language.
• Visualization of already having achieved your goal and feeling good about it.
• Accessing and partnering with the part of your unconscious that wants to make change.
• Comforting the part of you that may be afraid of change.
• Understanding why you have needed to use weight as a tool.
• Re-framing the previous “use” of eating as a tool that can now be safely retired.
• Visualization of the new, healthier “tools” for coping, navigating personal relationships, and communicating effectively.
• Mental rehearsal to make using healthy tools more automatic.

To summarize, at present, excess weight affects more people than not, and losing the extra pounds remains a challenging task for most. Hypnosis – either with a qualified professional or via self-hypnosis techniques – can help you address the unconscious reasons for keeping weight on, and help you more easily shed those extra pounds.

Anxiety comes in many forms, large and small. Sometimes anxiety seems to be connected to current or past traumatic situations. You may feel like stress and worry have completely torn your life apart. Alternatively, you may appear to be a complete success, but experience internal turmoil and struggle to find peace. There are many names commonly used for difficulties that involve anxiety, such as: stress, worry, nervousness, fear, panic, insomnia, OCD, PSTD, restlessness, irritability, among many others.

Although Common, Anxiety Can Become A Dangerous Enemy

It is widely known that things like stress, nervousness, difficulty sleeping and social anxiety have a great impact on many people today. Our culture values top performance, heavy workloads, and the push to achieve and acquire more. Even though we are increasingly aware of the disastrous impacts of prolonged stress on physical and mental health, many people are still stuck in a pattern of constant movement and scattered thoughts.

While countless people are familiar with fear, worry and stress, and could benefit from working with a therapist, others are struggling more intensely and truly need support. The level of stress or fear experienced on a day-to-day basis is quite excessive for a person with a mind plagued by anxiety. Perhaps friends or family members tell you to simply not worry, or to just let things go. These loved ones likely mean well, but may not understand the internal battle that anxiety creates.

Anxiety can allow situations and thoughts to spiral out of control, and is often accompanied by a cycle of sadness, frustration and isolation.

It can become a force within your life with the ability grow to the point where it is truly dangerous – limiting your life to a great extent and draining hope. Anxiety also leaves you unequipped for times when others around you are struggling or when life takes an unexpected turn. Breaking the cycle depends on you taking a proactive step. Anxiety treatment and counseling can prevent a downward spiral, offer relief and make a significant impact on your life and future.

Anxiety Treatment Provides Effective Tools and Genuine Relief

A unique therapeutic space allows for lasting, healing change. Together we will identify your strengths and explore existing strategies for managing worry and stress. This helps to illuminate hopes and goals that are realistic and meaningful to you, and our work will build upon this foundation.

I can help you to identify and address the thoughts and feelings that feed your over-active fears, persistent negativity, and sustain your stress.

Vital discoveries can be made that allow us to explore your deepest needs, hopes and fears. You can come to better understand how to meet your needs, which can begin to reduce the power of anxiety in your life. Also, you may be quickly surprised by how rejuvenating, meaningful and enjoyable the counseling and anxiety treatment process can be.

The balance and peace that you crave is possible when you open up to the support that you need. I work with people of all ages, with all levels and form of stress, anxiety, depression and more. There is so much that you can accomplish in a safe place for exploration and with focused plan for change. With help, you can feel more like your true self, an increased connection to the people or groups that have value to you, and more in control of your own internal and external experiences.

You may believe that you or a loved one could benefit from counseling, but still have questions or concerns… I think that anxiety treatment could help me, but I‘m concerned about my ability to pay for it and about how much time it will take.
It is a common concern whether the benefits of anxiety treatment will out way the cost. However, I encourage you to look at anxiety treatment as an investment in yourself and your future. Keep in mind that long-term stress has significant impact on the health and well-being of both yourself and those around you. If worry, negativity or fear is impacting the choices that you make, effective anxiety treatment can offer relief. If stress is robbing you of energy, joy and peace, then investing in change may be crucial for you. You may come to deeply appreciate the work that you do for yourself in counseling and anxiety treatment, and see that even some of the seemingly small changes made will have a significant influence.

We might chose to embark on a long-term anxiety treatment journey together, but change and relief may take less time to achieve than you think! I commit to making the counseling process meaningful and worthwhile to you, and I will design and adjust the process in order to best address your needs. We can set both short and long-term goals, focus on that which is most necessary for you, and continuously check-in on progress. Anxiety treatment is also a preventative measure. Taking the proactive step of beginning counseling can prevent future distress and prepare you for new situations.

How do I know if anxiety treatment is necessary for me?
An initial counseling assessment will help us to determine the nature and severity of your anxiety. I will immediately consider and explore with you the extent to which I feel you may benefit from counseling, and how to move forward. We can discuss your potential hopes and goals, explore concerns, and work toward determining possible solutions.

I‘m unsure about how to start this process and don‘t know whether I really want to try counseling.
Frequently there is hesitation about beginning anxiety treatment, even if you do feel confident that it would help you. I invite you to allow yourself to explore with me what anxiety treatment counseling could look like for you. There is no commitment to continue counseling at any time, other than a commitment that you may make to yourself.

You and I can discuss the potential benefits of counseling during a free phone consultation. I’m happy to answer any questions that you have about anxiety treatment and my practice.

Contact me now for a free phone consultation!

‘Shame’ derives from ‘to cover’, and is often expressed by a covering gesture over the brow and eyes, a downcast gaze, and a slack posture. Other manifestations of shame include a sense of warmth or heat and mental confusion or paralysis. These signs and symptoms can communicate remorse and contrition, and inspire pity and pardon. Nonetheless, we may prefer to make a secret of our shame, for shame can in itself be shameful—or, to be more precise, embarrassing.

People with low self-esteem, being harsher upon themselves, are more prone to shame. In some cases, they may defend against shame with blame or contempt, often for the person who incited their shame. Ultimately, this is likely to lead to even deeper shame, and so to even lower self-esteem. While overwhelming shame can be destructive, mild or moderate shame is mostly a force for good, spurring us on lead more ethical lives.

Whereas shame pertains to a person, guilt pertains to an action or actions, and to blame and remorse. Shame says, “I am bad.” Guilt says, “I did something bad.” More subtly, shame involves falling short of cultural or societal moral standards, whereas guilt involves falling short of one’s own moral standards. Thus it is entirely possible to feel guilty about actions of which many or most of our peers approve, such as living in luxury, driving an SUV, or eating meat.

Shame and guilt often go hand in hand, which is why they are often confused. For instance, when we injure someone, we often feel bad about having done so (guilt), and, at the same time, feel bad about ourselves (shame). Yet, guilt and shame are distinct emotions. Shame is egodystonic, that is, in conflict with our self-image and the needs and goals of our ego, and high levels of shame are correlated with poor psychological functioning. In particular, eating disorders and many sexual disorders can largely be understood as disorders of shame, as can narcissism, which can be construed as a defense against shame. Guilt on the other hand is egosyntonic, that is, consistent with our self-image and the needs and goals of our ego, and, unless left to fester, is either unrelated or inversely correlated with poor psychological functioning.
Faced with the same set of circumstances, people with high self-esteem are more prone to guilt than shame, and more likely to take corrective or redemptive action.